This Is My Life.........And It's Not A Pretty Story

im servely depressed n i am more suicidal now my zoloft isnt workin y????im a bad mom n im FAT i star my fast tomorrow yay

he was supost 2 fucking call me and ne ever fucking did wtf when will i be good enough for him?????!!!!:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

yup he called me:)he comin over yay:):):)im so excited u know i cant waite....plz god let everything go his way and by the end of the night let it be the perfect nite:):):):):)

im fat and stupid and many other bad things.im messed up and a single parent.not 2 mention a drop out and  no job:(but what kills me the most is that i have no one u have no idea how lonely i am:(im dieing and idk what 2 do anymore this pain of mine is 2 much for me 2 handle on my own.im a bad mom.im sad all the time:(im tired of bein every guys fuck buddy....but it doesnt stop me from goin back 2 them at least this way im not lonely for that periode of time.i feel like im drowning in a pool and everyone ik is just standing around it watching me drown....they dont care about me no one does and hurts so much:(im broken and i need somone 2 fix me cuz idk how:(my cuts r gettin deeper maybe the next one might be my last.........i kinda hope so:(

I WANT 2 SEE DANNY REALLY SOON I MISS HIM GET MY DRIFT;)

i dont give a shit how but i want to die or idk i cant get any coke or anything cuz im fucking broke i need somthin anything 2 get me fucked up and i cant handle this fucking pain im dieing cant any of u see that im drowning here.....i have 2 waite for everybody 2 leave so i can get the knief...here they sharpen ik

Yea so i gained 7 fucking lbs i can't believe this shit really i weighed myself last night 97.4lbs:(:(:(I purged my breakfast this morning and im not gonna have anything for the rest of the day!!!!!im gonna try and get a small bottle of vodka myself only.:)hopefuly it works out as planned....um im so cold right now gosh it's like what 60 outside lol.im sad cuz my friend is being mean 2 me says i dont like him but i do and have told *** that but i guess thats not good enough for me it seems everything i do it just never good enough for any of u fucking ppl and it's difficult on me and very stressful and no one cares.so fuck all of u i dont fucking care anymore u dont like how i do shit o well then dont bother talking 2 me anymore i dont need this shit not now.im gonna go have a drink now maybe i'll feel  little happy:)BYE FOR NOW:()

I WEIGH 93.0:):):):):)I LOST WEIGHT !!!

im not happy right now i need some now i've havn't had any all day and im goin insane!!!!ok so i got a message and i feel a little happy:)im so sick of guys using me i want a relationship.....im not a pice of meat 2 be passed around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yea it's nice having them hit on u and wnt 2 chill with ya but.........i want what the other gurls have it's i feel like im not good enough for anyone:(and it hurts so much 2 feel this pain seems like i'll never be good enough for anyone:(

yea so 12/4/07 was i first time i did snow and then did it again and hopeful today i'll be able 2 do it again:/ im not happy nd im not okay.....right now i feel really suicidal and i want 2 hurt myself really bad right now.....i might.i yelled at my inscont baby saying i hate him and he is nothin 2 me and all that shit.....i should be punished for yelling at him like that.i feel like shit i feel like im fat and ugly and just not good enough for anyone and it hurts me so much:(im gonna cut myself so deep that i'll bleed 2 death:)

the father of my baby is trying 2 take my son way from me....cuz him and his family dont want my son living with my mom they want my son 2 live with them instead....bullshit:(i cant talk about it anymore im gonna do somthin stupid so i'll try again later:(

 Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love                                              I LUV THIS FREAKIN SONG!!!!!!
Crush me with the things you do
And I do for you anything too
Sitting smoking feeling high
And in this moment it feels so right

Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
And I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'till morning comes
And watch the sunrise and fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'till we get drunk

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
And is this real or am I dreaming

Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
Won't spill a drop, no, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on, oh yeah

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming

Lovely lady
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
And it's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know how I love you
Come on, Come on
Baby

It's crazy I'm thinking
just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
My love
By love
We'll beat back the pain we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
Each moment the more I love you

Crush me
Come on
Baby
So much you have given love
That I would give you back again and again
Oh my love
Meaning I'll hold you
But please please let me always

 im not going 2 be tonight....cuz im not comfortable here it's weird well not really i just wish i was at daivd's.i miss him so much right now shit im a little obsessed with this guy i think i don't think thats good?Any who he got me into Dvave Matthews lolif i listen 2 them i feel a little closer 2 daivd even though were far apart right now:(But yea i luv the songs and that this dave guy is really good:)So i weigh 90.6!!!!!!!:):):)But then i had 2 go and ofcorse EAT so im 91.2:(:(:(:(:( But i plan on looseing that 1 pound tonight hopefuly that is.i just feel like im not perfect or good enough for him and idk what 2 do what can i fix 2 make me perfect for him????

So........im sick.I need help with my ED.....but im scared in a way and i don't want it in a way too.Idk i started 2 blackout in the shower today:(i got so scared and it just kept happening so i wasn't  abl;e 2 finish my shower.im alright now i think.been drinking lots of water.my friend told me that i look really sick cuz of my back i was bending over on the ground cuz i couldn't walk and he was like u look like a dog that has been starved.everybody here is mad at me cuz im never home and always sleeping over at someones house....i feel so comfortable over at my friends place and i feel some what happy inside he makes me happy so happy:)just thinking about him makes me smile lol.my baby's sis wants me 2 move out:)/:(idk whats goin go down tonight but ik they r all mad at me cuz i want my son 2 stay here with me 2 spend time with me instead of going 2 some stranger house and look at all the good food he cant have yet cuz he is only 8 months one tiny little tooth i mean come on!!!!im leaveing in a few hours hopeful if i can get a hold of gas money cuz im on empty lol.

 Im so fucking FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i miss david right now so freakin much:(:(:(:(:(:(..................

cw:92.4
lw:above
gw:77.0:)

If i take a caffeine pill and a zantrex3  diet pill i loose weight like last night i gained weight and weighed 95.8 and now i weigh 94.0 probley 93.6 now yup:)M y goal is 77lbs:)And i will fucking reach it too!!!!!!!Im a 00 :):):):):):)But their is no 000 so what do i do when 00 is too big?I feel great knowing im loosing all this weight the feeling is good lol my stomache is hungry:)Im changing the old ashley is so history let me tell u.I need 2 get fucked up been a little over a year since i was drunk drunk lol i remember that day omg what a good night that was:)Well im gonna go do somthin bye for now bitch's:)

Hey all!I got britney's cd yesturday and luv it!!!!!My fav song is piece of me & gimme more.

i miss davide........so much:( sometimes i cry it will just happen anywhere even a store:(he was everything i wanted and i lost him cuz of the way i acted but that wasnt me and i never got 2 tell him that:(im so sad and i lost some pounds cuz i've been so upset lately and he did it on a bad day too:(i miss hanging out with him,the hugs,and when he told me i looked pretty today....i'll finish writing tomorrow i have 2 go slit my wriste till i feel better....i might take some pills idk yet yea so i'll pass out i cant handle thinking about this sad shit anymore i'll kill myself if i have 2 do another 1min:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

omg idk what 2 do:(:(:(....im homeless with my baby....i cant stop crying.i hate everything so much:(